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| Photo Credit: Julie of Rants From Mommyland |
"And sometimes it would all be too much and I would just LOSE IT. And I would find myself yelling at my kids in a voice I couldn’t believe was my own. And then I would look at them, and hear myself, and feel the ripples that my loss of control caused as they washed over our home. And I would feel gut wrenching shame and regret for not showing the self-control required to be the mother they deserve.
Then the inner monologue would start: What is the matter with you? You just screamed at them to stop screaming. It is all your fault. Of course they’re nasty to each other, did you hear the way you just spoke to them? You’re a tyrant. You’re a nag and a bully. They were perfect when you got them and you’re ruining them. Ruining them.
I hate the inner monologue. If you have one, please don’t listen to it. Your inner monologue is a dick. Listen to me. Listen to the small part of my brain that actually likes me. The part that I can hear if I listen hard enough.
“Just apologize for yelling. Explain why’re upset. Tell them you love them. Shake it off and begin again. This time use your nice voice and remember that you’re all they have.”
Momastery is the place to be for self-proclaimed monster/imperfect moms like me. Ain't no saint baby! If you think you are a perfect mom or you are striving to be one, think again... There will always be days when we screw things up and it's okay. It's normal. No mom is perfect.
And yes, I love my kids NO MATTER WHAT.
I am not a mom but I can relate since I do get frustrated sometimes when my students are not performing well to expectations. If ever I am compelled to scream at them so they start working to expectations, I stop myself, and ask them for attention, post a big "QUIET EVERYONE" on the board, and then, tell them, " I am so angry and frustrated right now, instead of me yelling at you, I will take a quick break outside, 1 minute to release my anger and use that 1 minute to straighten yourselves. Don't let me yell at you when I am done with my break." Outside, I would take breathing in and breathing out exercises, then, when I come back, students are so quiet, and doing their work. I find it no point to talk about what happened anymore, since they are all working, I grab that moment to keep them working that way, and praise them for what they are now and what they should always be. Like moms, there are no perfect teachers too. It's so easy to get frustrated and angry.
ReplyDeletePS....by the way Che, I believe you are guessing correctly, your guess for my top hike is most probably correct :) it just that part of it crossed number 3.
yes I love my kids too, no matter what....sigh and they are not perfect and so am I...funny how I always find myself wanting to scream at the top of my lungs when the two kiddos at home argue...each time I take two deep breaths and use reverse psychology..and you bet the supposed to be heated argument among the three of us turn into a storm of laughter and apologies...sigh, the perks of having an angelic twinzy like you :) .....super love the new design!!!!!! :D
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